Over the past year and a half I have struggled with the
realization that my life has changed, can’t say 100%, but
can say it has been life changing. If you all knew me in
Redding, California you would say that I was totally a
sports mom. Me and my six peeps lived and breathed sports
365 days a year. My girls played league soccer Holly,
Carissa, Isabella, and Catalina. Carissa and Holly played
school soccer. Then Holly, Jonathan, Carissa, and Belle all
ran school cross country. The other two would of followed
suite if we would have stayed in Redding. Then you had me,
Mommy, I played women soccer a couple of times a week, plus
I coached every daughter’s teams I could. This was just
our fall. Basketball season was right around the corner and
once again the sport mom was at it again. I would have
loved to have coached basketball too, but even though I can
play and make baskets it just was not my sport. Holly and
Carissa once again played league and school basketball.
Then spring brought softball for Holly, soccer for Carissa,
Belle, and Cat. Carissa played a couple of years of
softball to, but she always played soccer. I continued to
play soccer year round, I loved it, and it was my passion at
that time in life.

At that time I think I passed my chronic pain as just sore
muscles. My pain started to get worse back in fall of 2008.
I mainly noticed it when I coached and stood for long
period of times. Still I just thought of it as not
stretching enough or that is what I was told. I really did
not understand since I warmed up all the time with the kids
and the women I played with, but the standing pain
continued. You would think this is why I quit playing, it
is not. I would have continued to play had not my marriage
start to fall apart and I lost over 30 pounds that I did not
need to loose. That is the reason why I backed off of some
of the sports and I quit playing. That however is a
different story. I continue to be a sports mom, just not a
sports player anymore.

Now back to the subject, the struggle of accepting the
change in my life. My pain has never gone away a day since
fall of 2008. Not only has it not gone away, but it has
gotten worse. I have had two back surgeries since moving to
Tyler. The first was to fix some of my spine defect that I
have, the other was to put a spinal stimulator to help
manage my pain. Some of my pain is from some nerves that
are damaged and that damaged cannot be fixed and will not
heal or go away. It may even get worse. I have been
trying to wrap mind around it all. Not an easy thing to do.

The one thing that crosses my mind is that God did not bring
this into my life to use it for good. He has a plan. A
plan to use me and my experience with dealing with a life
filled with chronic pain. Lately I have fallen short of
letting God use me for his good in this. Primarily in the
area of my family, maybe it just that I am still recovering
and I get tired really easy. I wonder if that is why I
wrote this, to help me get back to the right mind set of
God’s big and wondrous plan for me and those in my family.
Just a gentle reminder from God to get back on the right
track, maybe a reminder that the realization of my changed
life is something I may not be able to grasp till I meet God
face to face. He may show me in His time; if not I pray
that I will just accept and let Him use me to encourage
those He brings my way.

Today in my devotion the verse, Philippians 4:13 " I can do all things though Him who gives me strength" spoke to me in ways different then before.

I have heard and memorized this verse for what seems like all my life. I was raised in a christian home and went to a christian school for most of my school aged life. Some times it was just a process, others it brought meaning. None though have compared to what it has meant to me in the past two years.

All my adult life when I did a lot in a day like move or walk all day at an amusement park, my right leg would hurt. I always past it off as a sore muscle. My last three pregnancy that pain got worse till I had each of my princesses, but the last two, it seemed never to go away, I had pain at some level. My husband by then was working for a Neurosurgeon and kept on telling me that it was my back. I never had it checked out while in California, but after our move to Tyler, Texas and the pain was getting over a 5 pain level every day, he sent me to one of the doctors he works with. We found out that I had a rare spine defect that had been there since birth. With that there was a sack of spinal fluid in my spine that had been compressing my S1 and L5 nerves on my right side causing me severe leg pain. I went from a 24/7 on the go sports mom to living each day on what I did by how much I hurt that afternoon.

I have had to come to the realization that I needed to really draw on God's strength to see me through each day as the best I could be on that day. There have been days that I have just wanted to crumble. Today was one them, but I always go back to saying over and over again that God is my strength. Each day is a challenge, there is not only one but several. I could choose to live in self pity and poor me attitudes or I can choose to listen to Gods word that He is the strength, to lean on Him, let Him carry me in my everyday journey.

I will continue on with my story on another day.

Lanette

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece"

This is my first post. I am hoping that this will be a way to share my thoughts and struggles of being a wife, mom, and dealing with a life changed by chronic pain. In my struggles of life the most important thing is not let it overwhelm me to where I loose sight of who I am in Christ and what He has done, is doing, and what He will do in my life. Even with a messed up back and nerve damage, I am "Gods masterpiece" He knows what, why, and where He will take me on this journey. Hopefully over the next few days I can share what God has done in my life and how it has changed my life in ways that has caused me to struggle and just not know what my future holds.